After last week’s storm, the air is a bit cooler during the night.
Spending the night walking in a sleepy hotel, feels like something straight out of “The Shining”.
As I walk, I hum the soundtrack… Stop it, Dine!
I wonder why the Italian version of the movie adapted the iconic typewriter’s sentence “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy Dine a dull girl’ into something that in English would sound like ‘the early bird catches the worm’, why? No idea!
I’ve had the chance to spend a lot of time on my own and think about all sorts of stuff, to imagine a thousand options, a thousand possibilities, scenarios and a thousand different endings.
And why imagine the ending of something that hasn’t even started yet?
Of course, I question my own thoughts too, and I feel guilty just for imagining things, so I end up mulling it over!
But still I believe that all this love, that doesn’t know where to go, can be given a direction.
That keeping it all bottled up inside, only keeps causing pain.
The big question is: Should I stay (in Italy) or should I go (somewhere else)?
If I were to leave, I wouldn’t know where to go.
If I were to stay, perhaps I’d just like a sign, an ‘important’ reason, or for someone to ask me to stay – and not just as a memento of someone.
But I know in the end, the decision is only mine to make.
Many people will have realised how difficult the last few months – or the last year – have been.
Perhaps few realise just how difficult these last three years have been overall…
How many changes, decisions, adjustments, scaled-back plans and recalculations they have entailed; how much this has led me to put so many things aside – including myself – and how much I have lost my way a little.
For a while, I thought that becoming numb might be the answer.
But no, I’m still the same old me, with tears in my pocket! 😅
I’m still crying over random things, like the firefly I accidentally killed whilst sweeping the garden.
It killed me that it was just laying there with its little light still on. And that had me sobbing for quite a long time. 💔😭
So let’s carry on – I’m always moaning that I don’t get enough sleep, but before I started this new job, I was sleeping even less.
I really do think that going against the grain over the last few months has helped me a lot.
At the very least, it’s made me realise I’m keen to see what happens next! ☀️